“Is It Time to Break Up” The biggest question is when you are unhappy in your relationship or feel that it has lost its spark, we often find ourselves with mundane and monotonous rituals in our life. The variable left is the “Relationships”.
10 RED FLAGS IN A RELATIONSHIP INDICATING YOU TO BREAK UP
1.Your Inner Voice Feels Resistance in Expressing Itself
If you frequently find yourself self-sabotaging any topic you want to discuss with your partner, it is an indication of developing resistance to express yourself in your relationship.
It is majorly a sign of you trying to maintain the relationship and avoid conflict. We, as human beings are programmed to maintain familiarity in our life. We try to live in vicious patterns and try to break them at the same time.
So even if you do not express yourself and feel resistance in your expression, you still try to maintain the pattern of – a vicious circle and internally want to break it.
2. Your Body Feels Resistance in the Presence of your Partner
Our body is a good indicator of our inner world. If we psychically do not feel well from inside, it is the way of our body trying to tell us that something physical or mental needs to be fixed.
For physical issues, we go to a doctor, and for mental, we go to a psychologist for counseling. If you feel your body switches to Fight or Flight mode (Activation of Sympathetic Nervous System) in the presence of your partner, it is the way of your body telling you that something is not right in your relationship and either you need to resolve it or let go of the relationship.
3. Time Does not Fly
“Time is relative to the observer”- Albert Einstein. At the beginning of your relationship, when everything was going well. The time used to fly. This means that your mind was enjoying every second of the presence of your partner. Hence you were observing the time moving faster. If you do not feel that currently, the time does not pass as quickly as it used to, and you feel stuck with your partner. This means that every second, your mind is trying to avoid the presence of your partner.
The mind tends to be more conscious in observing the critical aspects to either defend yourself in an argument or prepare for future conflicts.
4. There is No Excitement for an Outing
Human beings are known for exploration. We have Reached the moon for the sake of exploration. You might have observed that you constantly find yourself with like-minded people for outings in your life.
The time before going for the outing feels even more exciting because of the anticipation of a good time. Be it Dinner, Vacation Trip, Business Trip, Casual walk, Visiting Cinema, or simply a visit to the supermarket to buy groceries.
Nothing feels more exciting than an outing with your lover. We love to travel with people who make us happy and laugh.
5. Fights turn into “Game of Thrones”
A fight is a way we try to say what we have not said for a long period in our relationship. Ideally, if fights are in the right pattern of Blissful – Unblissful – Restoration. They will produce a healthy impact on your relationship as you will be able to express your desires, and both of you will work to restore your relationship together. If the fights are turning into powerplay where the goal is to get more authority over your partner. It will often lead to unhealthy toxic fights where the restoration is absent as the goal was to hurt the other person and shrink down the energy and dominate.
6. You Feel your Emotions Go Unaddressed
The moment you feel you go to your partner, and show your vulnerable side. When you are expecting to be nurtured by your partner. Your partner does the opposite by manipulating you into believing that you are being selfish. Making you believe that it is I who should be nurtured not you. If this is happening to you, then you are being Gaslighted by your partner. You want to be loved, but the partner does not give you a comfortable space where you can be yourself and feel content.
7. You Frequently Get a Cold Shoulder
You feel upset. Do not feel emotionally and physically well. Your partner does not care and continues living life normally. If you confront, you become the bad person who disturbs your partner’s harmonious life, and your partner becomes the victim. This is a clear sign that your partner is giving – a cold shoulder to you and does not care how you are living and what you are feeling. The whole paradigm of you wanting the attention changes to your partner should get attention.
8. As Rihanna said, “Love The Way You Lie”
When things are not making sense, you often find yourself listening to your partner’s various bizarre explanations. Later, you get to know that it was all a lie and nothing else. A strange feeling comes to you where you love your partner, but at the same time, you know he/she is a liar. This creates a toxic build-up in you, which leads to a big ugly fight that is not related to the current situation, and your anger end-up labeled as disproportionate.
9. Get Disrespected Frequently
No matter what you do, you are either mocked or disrespected for your efforts in the relationship. You are never forgiven for genuine mistakes, rather those mistakes are used against you in the future as a reference to make you feel less or incompetent. This creates a constant thought of not making any mistakes and pleasing your partner.
10. Cannot Imagine Future Together
It is high time for you to break up in a relationship if you do not see yourself happy in the future for a long time. Your partner may enjoy and live happily while you are ambiguous about future events. This is a clear indication that nothing is going right in your relationship, and you need to move on and start a new chapter in your life.
The Way to Move Ahead
After reading this blog. You might be clear whether you should be in the relationship or not. If you believe you should be, then very well, and Good Luck with your beautiful and harmonious relationship. But if you believe that, you need to break up your relationship.
Then you might need support and coping mechanisms to do so. Let us accept it “Break-Ups are not easy”. They drain you physically and mentally.
SUPPORT AND COPING MECHANISMS FOR BREAK-UP
1. Acceptance and Commitment
Accept the fact “Yes” it happened in your life, and you are ready to commit and work upon it. The locus of control needs to be “You” rather than the ambiguous relationship you had in your past. This first step helps you come out of the paradigm where the whole life revolves around your partner and relationship. This makes you grounded and provides you a clear vision to move ahead in your life, work on self-care, and finally get healed.
2. Openness for External Help
Dwelling on the past is the biggest mistake you may make after the first step, Acceptance, and Commitment. You might need help to get back on the track of Self-Healing, either through individual or couple counseling.
We have all the intelligence and knowledge, but still, we find ourselves in toxic patterns because they are blind spots to us. Professional help gives you the boost to understand your behavioral patterns and work upon them efficiently and on time.
Once you have evaluated the situation and are ready to work on it. Therapy can help you gather all the facts and negative patterns you have developed during the toxic relationship. Your professional therapist will evaluate a suitable therapeutic approach for you to get the best results and heal in the least time. Couple counseling is an effective tool to restore the existing relationship. Taking individual counseling before couple counseling acts as first aid for you. You get in a better position to understand your situation and yourself. It provides a safe non-judgemental space where you can express yourself completely
4. Support from Friends & Family
Whether you start Therapy or not. Talking to your friends, family, and trusted mentor helps you reduce the continuum of negative internal dialogues you have in the initial period of break up. This allows you to eliminate mental fatigue and gives you a more commanding position to work on the tasks related to self-care and develop health patterns in life.
5. Maintaining Self Care and Healthy Lifestyle
With the one-small change in mentality, you can live a healthy and harmonious life. The goal is not to achieve any mental pattern, body type, and lifestyle but to make it sustainable and liveable. The goal is to maintain it and continue to live life to the fullest. The moment you stop practicing self-care and conscious living – It leaves room for toxic patterns to develop again.
Life is precious and fragile. We must maintain it most harmoniously. The gift from mother nature. “A chance to experience this beautiful earth”. Use it to explore the best of the best this world has to offer you. If the mind got distorted and life became a mess for a while. It is time to Reclaim your Inner Harmony Today.
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